I recently finished reading my Bible, so, of course, I have started another trip through His Word. Every time I do, I attach new meaning to familiar verses, as the Spirit illumines my mind. Yesterday I was reading in Exodus 13 and 14 where it describes how God did not lead the Israelites with the pillars of cloud and fire on the most direct route to their destination, and Exodus 14:3 says, “Pharaoh will think, ‘The Israelites are wandering around in confusion, hemmed in by the desert’.” The Israelites saw it the same way as Pharaoh did:
They said to Moses, “Was it because there were no graves in Egypt that you brought us to the desert to die? What have you done to us by bringing us out of Egypt? Didn’t we say to you in Egypt, ‘Leave us alone; let us serve the Egyptians’? It would have been better for us to serve the Egyptians than to die in the desert!” Exodus 14:11-12
Sometimes I am just as peevish, if not as lyrical, as they in my reaction to the mysteries of God’s leading. It occurred to me that we want God to give us direct and trouble-free routes to our destinations. However, when the route deviates from the preferred one, we too see our wanderings as confusion and aimless. For the Israelites, God’s indirect, confusing route led to their redemption and the end of the threat from the Egyptians. They (and I) could not conceive how all the puzzling wandering could turn out for the good. This is because when God leads us on the path that makes sense to us, we find it affirming and wise, and when we find it confusing and aimless we can wonder if it was God’s path all along. Did we somehow get off the right path because this outcome cannot be what God had in mind? How is Romans 8:28 going to come true with all this confused wandering? Some things never change, I guess.
I was thinking of these lessons from Exodus this morning as I reflected on the events at the U of Michigan’s Cancer Center in Ann Arbor this past week. My appointments there always begin with a CT scan, followed the next day by a meeting with my oncologist to discuss the results. The CT scan involves taking both an oral and IV contrast to aid the radiologist in interpreting the scan. My physiology makes it exceedingly difficult for the IV nurse to get a line in (I’m told I am very “valvey”; some of you nurses reading this know what I mean and are shaking your heads right now and smiling ruefully). Anyway, the consequences of this unfortunate problem with my veins are that a lot of trial and error is sometimes involved to get an IV line where it needs to be.
Current to the point I’m making here is that Jan and I are always praying beforehand that the nurse will have no trouble getting a line in, that it will stay in when the contrast is injected during the scan, that the CT technicians will do their work with precision and perfection, and the technology will perform flawlessly. Amen. When all that happens as we prayed it would, we thank God profusely for answering our prayers, and then pray for good news when we talk with the oncologist the next day.
Well, this time things did not turn out textbook perfect. Two different nurses tried to find a vein in my left arm with no luck (not to make this too graphic, but this involved a lot of poking and fishing around with a needle to no favorable effect, and yes, it felt just like you imagine it did). Then on to my right arm, with much the same results, confirmed when they flushed it with saline several times only to learn it was not yet in the vein. They learned this from my feedback: lots of pain and burning at the needle site accompanied by whiney expressions like “Stop it, you are hurting me!, “Can we get somebody in here who knows what they are doing?!,” (screamed down the hallway), and “Mama, make them stop!” Okay, I made some of that up, but I did unambiguously indicate that they had not yet achieved their goal. Finally, they were marginally successful, and I was off to the room for the scan.
Except... when the CT technicians flushed the line to test to make sure it was all right, they found it was not all right. More fishing around followed by flushing, followed by more whimpering on my part, and on and on, until they were satisfied, or just wanted to exit the room to avoid having to listen to my incessant blubbering. So on with the scan; except a computer “glitch” (their word), necessitated redoing the scan.
Now how am I to interpret these events considering our prayers that, like the Israelites prayed, God will make the path direct and easy and the outcome pleasing? Truthfully, my medical journey has taught me some things that I needed to learn about how God dispenses grace in answering prayer. One thing is that above everything else, I can trust God’s “unfailing love” is at work throughout all my trials. The fact that I want to see it revealed in a certain way is not the standard that determines whether it is there or not. I trust that God is always true to His character whether I can see evidence to support that belief or not. As Paul describes his evaluation of “evidence:”
“So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.” 2 Cor. 4:18
What I might have previously seen as evidence of unanswered prayer was based on what I could see (and feel) taking place (Paul’s “temporary seen”). Now, I do not use visible evidence to determine if the prayer is being answered. Rather, I focus my mind on God’s unfailing love (Paul’s “eternal unseen”). Consider what other Bible writers with personal experience have to say about their encounters with God’s unfailing love in their lives:
“In your unfailing love you will lead the people you have redeemed. In your strength you will guide them to your holy dwelling.” Exodus 15:13
Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed,” says the Lord, who has compassion on you. Isaiah 54:10
But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation. Psalm 13:5
But the eyes of the Lord are on those who fear him, on those whose hope is in his unfailing love, Psalm 33:18
When I said, “My foot is slipping,” your unfailing love, Lord, supported me. Psalm 94:18
These people show an unshakable, confident belief that God hears their prayers and is answering those prayers by guiding us on the best path, no matter what the visible evidence suggests. The bottom line is that when it comes to spiritual matters, just because I cannot see something does not mean it is not there (e.g., see 2 Kings 6:16-17). The author of Hebrews in Chapter 11, the Hall of Faith” members chapter, talks about faith as being “certain of what we do not see,”(verse 1), and goes on to say in verse 6 that “without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to Him must believe he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek Him.” So, what pleases God is for us to seek Him so earnestly that by faith we are certain that He is rewarding us for that faith, even if we do not see that reward (i.e., we are “certain of what we do not see”). For Job, faith meant trusting in God’s goodness even when nothing good was happening in his life. Sometimes being able to say, “I will put my trust in God’s unfailing love,” might be our only source of hope, but that is enough.
Another thought that occurs to me about the question of whether God always answers our prayers is that the answer is more complex than it first appears. For example, on the same day I’m praying for the series of events to take place surrounding my CT scan at the cancer hospital, I’m praying that Ephesians 2:10 will come true for me that day:
10 For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.
So, while it appeared that God was not answering my prayer for good results in Ann Arbor, what might have been going on is that he wanted me to write this reflection essay as a testimony that could be read by someone who needed a different understanding about God answering our prayers. This “good work” would not have been written if everything I prayed for in my CT scan experience had been granted. He has given me the greater joy to, by His grace, do a good work in writing this piece than by answering my prayer that I would be spared the momentary and slight pain and stress surrounding the CT scan. If true, I humbly praise Him even more for answering the greater prayer.
When we trust God to deliver His unfailing love in all its manifestations to His beloved children, we don’t have to have our prayers answered the way we would wish in order to know He cares for us. I trust God more than myself when it comes to knowing what I need most, or even want most, as my Ephesians 2:10 prayer reveals. In the fullness of time all will be clear, and our unfailing trust in His unfailing love will be forever validated. I am not the sharpest pencil in the box, but I have learned a few things in the past 9 years, and this is definitely one of them.
2 You who answer prayer,
to you all people will come.
5 You answer us with awesome and righteous deeds,
God our Savior,
the hope of all the ends of the earth
and of the farthest seas. Psalm 65:2, 5
24 Before they call I will answer;
while they are still speaking I will hear. Isaiah 65:24
5 “Go and tell Hezekiah, ‘This is what the Lord, the God of your father David, says: I have heard your prayer and seen your tears; I will add fifteen years to your life. Isaiah 38:5
12 Then he said, “Don’t be afraid, Daniel. Since the first day you began to pray for understanding and to humble yourself before your God, your request has been heard in heaven. I have come in answer to your prayer.” Daniel 10:12
3 ‘Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.’ Jeremiah 33:3
7 When I am in distress, I call to you,
because you answer me. Psalm 86:7
